


a collection of thoughts/stories from a tired soul

by galaxystars2152



Category: Original Work
Genre: Diary/Journal, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Original Fiction, Other, Rants
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:16:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27167794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxystars2152/pseuds/galaxystars2152
Summary: where i'm likely to put random thoughts/ideas/rants/stories. will probably be updated sporadically.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. speed

21 october 2020 5:31p.m.

they're a good person, right? they do as they're told, spoke when spoken to and would never hurt a fly. so why do they feel so bad about themself? why does it feel like they're always at rock bottom? they do so much for other people. the've always listened to other's problems and tried their damndest to fix problems they have no business worrying over.  
they're on the freeway, speeding past the cars around them, their thoughts racing faster than the police behind them. maybe, just maybe, they'll find peace once they finally outrun their mind. as the car accelerates, their thoughts grow darker and more twisted. why did they ever think they were deserving of love? they knew their friends would abandon them eventually, so why did they let anyone close? they should floor it. they should go faster. nobody would miss them, their friends wouldn't notice.  
they don't notice they're already losing control. the police chase continues onto a bridge, helicopters speeding towards the other side. they can't go any faster, they're losing to their thoughts. engines have limitations, but the human mind doesn't. their car begins to swerve on the road; traffic's been cut off to avoid endangering the public.   
in a final, desperate attempt to escape the cruelty of their own thoughts, the car takes a sharp, right turn off of the bridge right before it reaches land. they don't even try to brake, only pushing harder on the already floored gas pedal.  
they are engulfed by both their cold, unforgiving mind and the welcoming warmth of the water below them.

Silence. For once in their life, they feel welcomed, as though they finally belong. They've crossed over to a place where their mind can't follow them. It's calm, comforting, warm and happy here. Maybe they'll decide to stay.


	2. finals.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm so fucking tired. honestly

god. fucking. DAMMIT.  
why the fuck can't i do anything right? i'm such a fucking failure and i'm never gonna get anywhere in life. i can't imagine why anyone would want to talk to me, much less be my *friend*. i can't even spell right half of the goddamn time. i'm such a fuck up and i don't want to hurt anyone any more. i'm tired of accidentally hurting everyone around me. i'm tired of feeling bad for venting, i'm tired of trying my damndest and still falling short. i'm tired of trying to make sure that everyone around me is okay when i'm bleeding out myself. but hey, as long as my friends are okay, right?  
I just want to go to sleep forever. i'm tired, i can't even bring myself ot get out of bed most days. and when i do, i just dissociate and go through the motions of life. i feel like a fucking shell of a human. i'm constantly trying to make sure that everyone around me is okay, but at the end of the day i'm just so. fucking. tired. idon't want to wake up. i'm not looking for death, but i won't fight it if it comes. i don't want to hurt anyone though. i'm not worth the grief that i would cause. but i'm also not worth the pain that i cause by fighting to stay around.  
i'm tired of pretending to be okay. i'm really just fucking exhausted and i don't know how much longer i can take it. i just really want to fucking give up sometimes. what's the point in holding on when i know the rest of my life is gonna look like this? i love my friends all so so SO much, but sometimes i wish i hadn't met them so it won't hurt as bad when i'm eventually gone.

i'm glad i met them, and i'm sorry they met me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry.


End file.
